I am a cis-gendered female bodied, hetero-sexual, Black and bi-racial American citizen, Canadian permanent resident with connection to African-American heritage and German-Caucasian heritage. I live on colonized lands forcibly taken from brown people.
The recent news of the murder of George Floyd, the incident in Central Park, and protests throughout the US, Hong Kong, and here in Canada, have many folks well shook, myself included. As a therapist, I am aware that I need to be emotionally, physically, psychologically present to meet my clients where they are at in their life challenges. I regularly engage in active self care to ensure that I am ready to support the individuals I work with, from running, meditating, dancing, doing martial arts, connecting to family and friends, resting, reading…these self care practices are essential to my mental health.
However, recent events have reminded me of the intimate connection between feelings of well-being and our social-political environments. Sometimes self care is not enough. Our mental and emotional well-being is undeniably impacted by what’s happening in our communities. We may find our sense of moral outrage evoked, but feel like there’s no healthy way to direct it. Black and brown people might wish their white friends/partners and/ or family members would reach out and just ask them how they’re doing. White people might be feeling horrified by the murder of George Floyd, but feel unsure how to show their support for their black/brown friends /partners or family members. All of us might be re-examining how to actively engage in movements that support the eradication of anti-Black racism and by extension, freedom, equality, safety, and justice for all persons.
As I was writing this self care article, I find that the challenge I feel within myself is the wish to promote healthy, happy living alongside the dawning recognition that sometimes being uncomfortable is healthy. Here are a few rough points I’d like to offer in possibly finding some healthy ways to cope with being uncomfortable in these difficult times:
Strong emotions left to simmer can lead to feeling more frustration and stress. Taking even a small positive action can have big results in terms of your mental health. Support a group with your time or a small donation such as Black Lives Matter.
Remind yourself that if you are feeling sad and angry, these are feelings telling you that are probably a compassionate, caring, living and breathing human being connected to other human beings. These are normal feelings to have right now. Rather than trying to talk yourself out of these feelings, how can you use these feelings to guide caring action for yourself and others?
Connect with other people. Sometimes we need to be with people who have an understanding of the insidious way racism works in our current capitalist system. It is arguably, social conditioning not character that leads to this life and liberty destroying bias. Talk to your friends, your family about how you feel and what you hope for. Be willing perhaps to express your feelings and experiences, if it feels safe to do so.
There are many ways in which our choices can influence a pattern of racism and oppression or a pattern of warm equality and dignified democracy. As an increasingly aware civilization, I wonder if we are more anxious about the myriad of daily decisions that can affect the air we need to breath, as well as each living persons right to a life free of misuse. I increasingly struggle with how my buying decisions impact people’s lives. I certainly don’t have the answers, but as the philosopher, Socrates stated, “the unexamined life is not worth living.” How can you make your dollars count? What stores do you feel good about shopping in? What organizations do you want to give your money to?
Sometimes there is an idea that Canadians are free of racism in contrast to Americans. I have been called the “n” word three times here in Vancouver. I lived in Virginia for several years, attending high school and university there without ever having that experience. I hope we can continue to find ways to create communities in which we feel loved, safe, and embraced in our diversity.