I recently had the opportunity to take part in a weeklong Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy training through a collaboration between the Harvard Medical School and Center for Mindfulness Studies. It was an incredible learning experience that made me fall in love again with mindfulness practices. Let’s face it, life can be full of challenges…health issues, difficult relationships, managing work and personal life, experiencing grief and loss. Living means engaging and experiencing, existing within constantly changing circumstances and trying to find some fulfillment while doing it. As a friend reminded me, “We all got babies crying” metaphorically and/or literally.
We can’t avoid suffering. But we can make meaning and move through suffering, knowing that it is not all there is. There is also the joy of reconciliation with a loved one, learning to speak up when the habit has been to stay quiet, finding a better, healthier way of handling stress… rather than turning to the thing or person that only hurts us in the long run.
As I sat in some of the practices, breathing deeply and slowly, allowing myself to notice what was happening for me, I felt my frustration mounting as I mentally and emotionally returned to a difficult situation. A common experience reported by many folks. My mind kept gnawing at the edges of the situation, playing out scenes, working through potential solutions, playing out snatches of dialogue… This was not the relaxing experience I was hoping it would be. I did recall at this point, that mindfulness is not necessarily about relaxing into a state of blissfulness, but actually breaking out of automatic and fully acknowledging what is actually going on.
So I acknowledged that this is where my mind was. I watched the thoughts, the scenes. I acknowledged the pain and hope I felt. I realized I needed to take some constructive action so that there would be space cleared within myself. Without going into detail, I took constructive action. The next class, I noticed my mind was less occupied, my body felt more at ease, and I found it easier to concentrate.
And that’s why I want to encourage you to build mindfulness practices into your day: we need to stop long enough to acknowledge where we are to decide where we want to go. Otherwise, we may find ourselves running into a wall, over and over again, feeling stuck, having the same experience.
Here’s how to practice mindfulness now:
Blow out all your air, then take in a deep breath imagining the breath going into your belly, then exhale out fully.
Check-in with yourself and ask these questions:
What are you thinking about? (what’s been on your mind? what’s pulling on your attention? what are you trying not to think about?)
How does your body feel? (do your shoulders feel tight or relaxed? Is your neck straining in any way? How are your feet feeling? Are you feeling tired or awake? Hungry or satiated? Is your mouth dry or moist?)
What flavor of feelings are you experiencing? (Happy? Angry? Scared? Sad)
3. Now take another deep breath in and ouuuuuuuut…..And ask yourself, “What’s the most compassionate thing I can for myself and others acknowledging what is present?”
Mindfulness to me as a therapist, is not about teaching clients to ignore the past, passively accept difficulty, or live without awareness for the sake of a pseudo-harmonious existence. To me, practicing mindfulness is a muscular activity that is about learning to keep returning to what is alive and real moment to moment to make more constructive and compassionate choices going forward. What a workout.
If you want to learn more, please let me know in our sessions. In the meantime, wishing you the power of the fullness of your mind!